fast forward to now....and enters the 4 yr old.

He is 4. He is an only child of middle age parents who tried and tried to have a child...add that together and you have a 4 yr old running their home...and mommy still baby talks him...daddy works long hours...they mean well, but it's a mess..so, they come to me...said, "I heard you could maybe turn him around"...said, "I hear your good with little kids that have problems"...

geeze wiz lady...saying this kid has problems is like saying the Rocky Mountains are just hills.

Problems? OMG PEOPLE....It's only been week one and I'm allreay at my wits end...I know what I'd do if he was my kid...(yes I beleive in spankings and yes I know that opens a can of worms with some of you...I also believe in public hangings too but that's not possible anymore)...but I can't do that with him.

So...

It has been approved by the state to administer a small drop of vinger on the tonuge of biters and spitters...I tried that after the first bite...he just spit it in my face and yelled more...a growl actually...deep animal redfaced growl...I stepped back and wiped it off my face and he started kicking the cabnet..and he kicked and he kicked...when I reached down to grab his ankle he bit me on the cheek...what a circus this has turned into...I stepped back and checked...no blood...ok...I nabbed him by the shirt collor and walked him to the middle of the living room (where there was nothing to kick) and pushed down so he would sit...and he did...course he is still growling and screaming...I bet the neighbors in a 4 block radius thought I was killing this kid.

And this was all at 5:45am....needless to say ol Vern was woke up...Eme too...dogs started barking...what a mess!

So far this week he has refused to eat breakfast or lunch (he leaves on a bus for preschool at 12:30 to 3:30pm)..if I set a plate of food in front of him he picks it up and throws it at the wall or the floor or the dogs and laughs....do I fix him another? nope.

So far this week I'm not the only one to get bit...his teacher has been his snack too.

so far this week he has thrown hot wheels clear across the room for no reason...just gets up and starts throwing..as I grab his arm to stop him, he leans down and trys to bite me...he now only has soft books to look at...and he does for maybe a few minutes and then he throws them...but at least the TV, Computer and my china hutch is safe.

Can't take him outside..he'll run into the street.

Dressing him is a terrible battle. He arrives in his jammers...must dress him for preschool...on day 2 I stopped dressing him till I had too...so he is in his jammers till noon.

Parents say he's been tested for AD and autisum...and doesn't have that...(sure he dont'!)

so...........any tried and true legal ways to stop this terrible behavior besides a trip out behind the woodshed?...I have another new little boy that is 3 (has to have shots) that starts monday...and an infant (another failure to thrive like Bug was) that will be here middle of Oct....I hate to think this is one I can't tame, but it may come to that.

-granny h, dodging bites, spits and kicks here at the Nanny Nook!

Whoa, he must have had some surgery when he was about two yrs. And then another bout. So this kid has had trouble seeing, had surgery, been in two households, been bounced out of preschool, and now is in your hands.

That's an awful lot for a little guy to endure. And from what you've said his parents have spoiled him to boot. But maybe not with time and patience - perhaps throwing money type things at him?

It has occurred to me his behavior might be fear based, thrashing out at another new situation?

Think you're on the right track with clear choices and follow through. Hope it works out for him. He's lucky to have someone with determination.

Take care.

Without active parental intervention, you're in a no-win situation. Sadly, the kid's the other loser.

-Hollie

And frankly, I'm not sure what to suggest.

If what you do isn't supported and reinforced by the parents, you don't stand much of a chance.

I took everything away...and after he was nice drinking some milk I gave him back a couple of crayons and one color book...

I told him...he would see more toys as he became more good...he listened to me..sorta made eye contact...

we'll see.

-granny h

If he feels that you will keep him there and work with him. He might slowly come around. Not only has he been rejected by Mom and Dad, other relatives, but by school!

I'd treat him like a puppy that needs to be trained. Very clear yes or no with follow through. Praise when he's good and quietly clear letting him know when he's not. Constant consistent attention and affection when possible.

You've got your hands full. If it works, you might suggest having him stay full time for awhile.

Having parents learned how to behave sounds like a winner!

Take care.

Of course you cannot put a dollar amount on saving a soul.

But this testing should be done....

They try to hug him and talk all nice-e-nice..I use a firm no nonsense voice.

And I tell him..as in, "Go to the table it's time to eat"...not, "would you like to eat now?"...that gives a choice...He needs solid boundries and not choices at this stage.

-granny h

I took care of 3 children while living in Detroit. One was a 5 yr. old educable girl, her 2 yr. old brother, and a 5 mo. old baby brother.

The 2 yr. old would stand by the door after Mommy left screaming at the top of his lungs. So much fun. Tried to console him, get him to play, the usual things that work. No go.

Finally decided to put him in my daughters room, closed the door, told him when he stopped screaming and crying he could come out. After 2 days of non-reinforcement of screaming he quit and we were fine from then on.

The boy you're taking care of needs to have boundaries and quite obviously Mom and Dad have blown it. They need behavior mod also.

You will do what works and they will undo it when he goes home.

Is there something wrong with him? Can't answer that from a distance. But I suspect you'll have to take him somewhere to be examined. To make sure there is nothing physically wrong with him first. Then he may need to be taken to a professional institute.

Not an easy choice but the sooner he is taught how to behave the better.

Take care.

I asked her if he had headaches? she said he never said anything about his head hurting.

and the seperate room is a nono...you can't seperate kids like that...and never can you have a closed door...even the bathroom door can only be closed part way and can not be the lockable type.

He's not a foster child...so I won't be taking him anywhere to be examined...

*big sigh*...the weekend is almost here...LOL

-granny h

Sounds like you need more info from the parents. I wonder if the babying came along with the eye surgery and recuperation. I take it both parents work?

Take care

I've had time to calm down after writing this post...he's gone to sleep sitting up in the chair next to me...

I'm gonna suggest some parenting classes that are free of charge to parents in our area...and something that is called "Parents As First Teachers"..it's a good program also...they need to hear that as parents they need to start the ball rolling for their son...instead of leaving it up to me...for I'm sure when he goes home, it's games as usual.

He can snooze another 25 min and then it's get dressed, hair brushed, face and hands washed and ready for the school bus.

also interesting to note...the bus has a 3 point harness built into the seat for him...he was getting up and trying to get out the door when the bus was moving...bus driver meets me at the driveway..we hands on, hand him off and he puts him in his seat....

-granny h, SOOO needing a nap today

Sounds scary...you could never let your guard down! I have zero tolerance for biting and spitting...you must have the patience of a saint.

Good luck!

I put in a call to my state lady..maybe she has some ideas.

Something has to work..or click in his brain...he can't possibley be the only little
kid this bad in the world.

or.......LOL

-granny h

The infant is with grandma right now...cause she was laid off, but doesnt' want to babysit full time...infant is a newborn...mom just went back to work...she may be ok by the time I get her...she was just real small like Bug was and ya have to work with it to get it to drink a bottle, tends to nod off when feeding.

He's been "gave back" twice allready..once from his aunt and once from a nother daycare...poor little monster needs some stability..maybe in a few weeks he'll be better...I'm just overwhelmed right now...need to find my bootstraps, jerk em up and deal with this with help from other caregivers who have had the same type of child.

There has to be a way to reach kids like this.

Paula? if your reading this? oh brain-e one, what do you think?

-granny h

Also I have stuck kids arm in their own mouth and held it there when they are trying to bit. If they bite themselves in process they learn.

my mom ran daycare for years and years...she would stop the general "throw themselves on the floor and scream and kick" by throwing a glass of water on them......sorta shock! stop that!

but...when I asked about that they said no also.
then she laughed and said, "oh don't worry, hollie, you've handled gobs of kids, something will come to you".....glad she thinks so! LOL

If that would of been me, some 50 yrs ago, my daddy would of whipped off his belt and beat my backside....!

course.....that was another time...and people sitting around in offices with NO KIDS of their own make the rules nowdays. grrrrrrr

-granny h

chapter 13 verse 24.

I know...but I'd get in hot water if I spanked him...not just sometime but any time.

thanks anyhow......and I agree 100%..ask my sons if they got their backside warmed a few times and they'll say, "a FEW TIMES?" lol

-granny h

From your description he sounds like a puppy that has never been disciplined or trained. And worse yet rules his parents.

Then to top it off his parents have farmed him out to others. So now he is probably confused to boot. Everyone operates differently and have varied expectations when at home.

So you've got a 4 year old that has been in how many homes? And has been rejected by all of them. Perhaps he is "acting out". Something is bringing this behavior out. I've seen too many kids who only get attention when they misbehave.

I assume he has had a physical examination. So that possibility has been ruled out.