Topic: Surviving childhood
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Rules for Surviving Childhood
written by kids ages 8-15
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
Never pee on an electric fence.
Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to.
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
Don't sneeze when you're eating crackers.
Turn off the dust buster before you pick up the cat.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.
Never try to baptize a cat.
And from my English gal pal-
Don't ask your brother what 'gay' means.
Don't tell your father you do not want to watch him play cricket.
Do not tell your father you are not interested in his speech to the Tory party.
Do not bring home half-alive road kill when your mother is cooking.
Do not phart at your fathers cocktail parties,
Do not tell your elder brother that spiders don't scare you.
When your father tells you that you look nice... go and change your clothes.
Do not draw on your brothers face when he is asleep.
Do not cut off your fathers 'comb-over' when he is asleep.
Do not say that you believe 'Arthur Scargill' is quite a nice chap.
Always cry 'He started it' to your mother.
Do not accuse your mothers sister of having a moustache and beard.
Never put you knickers that you peed on in the oven to dry, you get caught.
Never put up a poster of Arthur Scargill in your bedroom window.... I was 14
Never tell your big brothers new girlfriend that you have seen him in the bath and he has a rash on his bum.
Never tell your father that you want to marry Kieth Richards.
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