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A little Southerner joke
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Posted by Karter on April 21, 2004 at 19:12:52 from (22.214.171.124):
Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a Hissie Fit and a
Conniption Fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them but "PITCH" them.
Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess".
Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going
to town, be back directly."
Even true Southern toddlers know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request
for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the
middle of the table.
All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use
the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace
for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl
of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also
know to add a large banana puddin'!)
Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near"
and "a right far piece."
They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. There really
is no limit to how far it is as long as you don't have to make any turns.
Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a
redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
signal is actually going to make a turn.
A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the
nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger", or something that jumps out at
you in the dark and scares you senseless, and can be "wooly".
Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do
"queues", we do "lines"; and when we're "in line", we talk to everybody!
Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage.
True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all." That's used for a
small number of people. A larger group of folks is referred to as "all y'all."
True Southerners know grits come from corn, how to cook 'em, and how to eat
Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red-eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that
fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'...," you know you
are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates
the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet
milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your
AND we all knew what it was to go to a TENT MEETING!!!!
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