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Re: a situation....

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Posted by A long-time lurker on May 14, 2004 at 09:20:16 from (

In Reply to: a situation.... posted by Cindi on May 14, 2004 at 05:31:32:

Cindi, had to respond to you because you touched such a deep nerve -- at the end of a very difficult summer with our college-aged daughter one final circumstance happened the day before she was to leave to go back to school found me at the end of my rope and I vented to my husband. Believing that she was out of the house at the time I verbally, bluntly and brutally relived every unreasonable moment of that hot, horrible three months (he had been gone on business during most of it). That was ten years ago -- my daughter and I have finally rebuilt a relationship (it took almost five years before she could have a conversation with me again) but I know my words still sting in her memory as they do mine. The fact that everything I said was true and I meant every word then and would today still stand by my assessment of that summer is inconsequental -- it is the tone and the words that were chosen that are the source of the pain for both of us. Neither of us have ever mentioned it -- it still is not a safe topic to discuss. I doubt that she has forgiven me and I know I haven't forgiven myself for hurting her. But the larger truth is -- we always think that we are so good at putting "our best face to the public", that people really don't see our faults, shortcomings and weaknesses but to others they may be as plainly seen as the noses of our face. Inspite of that, people still love us, are kind and polite to us and stand by us supporting us as a friend. That is the mercy we extend to one another -- it is what makes us civilized. What a wonderful gift -- to be fully aware of someone's foibles and still love them unconditionally. It's a good thing that we are unable to read the mind of another person -- another one of God's blessings to us. :)

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