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24 Commandments for Men
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Posted by Jim (Mi) on August 27, 2002 at 11:35:11 from (126.96.36.199):
1. Thou shalt not rent Sleepless in Seattle.
2. When on a fishing trip with the guys,
never, no matter how sunburned you and
your buds may be....is it NOT appropriate
to rub sunscreen on each other's backs.
3. If a man's zipper is down, that's his
problem--you didn't see nothin'.
4. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor
party may be legally killed and eaten by
his fellow partygoers.
5. When in need to go pee, there is a minimum
of one empty urinal between you and
another man. If this is not possible,
you're out of luck----hold it 'til later.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a
bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond
that, anyone within earshot is allowed to
call you on it. (Exception: When trying to
pick-up a girl, the allowable exaggeration
rate rises to 400%).
7. Under no circumstances may two men share
8. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours,
his sister is off-limits forever, unless you
actually marry her.
9. The minimum amount of time you have to wait
for another guy who's running late: five
minutes. Maximum waiting time: six minutes.
For a girl, you are required to wait 10
minutes for every point of hotness she scores
on the classic 1-10 scale.
10. Things that you can always cheat on: your
taxes, the SAT's, and your resume. Things you
can never cheat on: golf, darts, poker.
11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder
determines the pit stops, not the weakest.
12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports"
must be treated as spies until they demonstrate
knowledge of the game and the ability to pick
a Buffalo wing clean.
14. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate
family, you must bail out a friend within
15. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. (In fact even remembering
your best buddy's birthday is strictly optional).
16. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences
over the death of a girlfriend's bird, even if you
secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling
17. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd
better be talking about his choice of beer.
18. Unless you have signed a lucrative endorsement
contract, do not appear in public wearing more than
one Nike swoosh.
19. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting
event, you may always ask the score of the game in
progress; but you may never ask who's playing.
20. It is permissible to order a fruity chick drink
only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and
it's delivered by a topless model....and it's free.
21. Only in a situation of mortal peril are you allowed
to kick another member of the male species in the
22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're
on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in
line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
imperceptible "I recognize you" nod is all the
conversation you need.
23. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed
woman must remain sober enough to do her.
24. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
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