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Country Talk Discussion Board

About speaking English

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Posted by Nathan(GA) on February 25, 2003 at 20:53:50 from (


1)The bandage was wound around the wound.
2)The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) Once shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
16) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
17) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
18) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
Let's face it: English is a crazy language. There
is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English
muffins weren't invented in England nor French
fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while
sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
> >
We take English for granted. But if we explore its
paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work
slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is
it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
> >
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
plural of booth beeth?
> >
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
> >
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make
amends but not one amend; that you comb
through annals of history but not a single annal?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get
rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
> >
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat?
> >
In what language do people recite at a play and
play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo
by ship?
> >
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
> >
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the
same, while a wise man and a wise guy are
opposites? You have to marvel at the unique
lunacy of a language in which your house can
burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a
form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes
off by going on.
> >
English was invented by people, not computers,
and it reflects the creativity of the human race
(which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is
why, when the stars are out, they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are invisible!

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